A brief history of sex and the Olympics

Whether you watch the Olympics for the sporting prowess (seriously, can one non-sporty average person please do these events so we can actually understand how incredibly talented these athletes really are) or because these people are physically perfect, you can't deny the Olympics are compelling in just about every way.

The world's best athletes all converging on a city that is inevitably ill-prepared yet incredibly hopeful. The joy and over-the-top entertainment of the Opening Ceremony. The underdog stories. The triumphs over adversity. The surprises and the expectations. The uniforms (have you SEEN Mongolia's outfits? SLAY.).

The Olympics is a roller-coaster of emotions right alongside the athletic accomplishments and records being made and broken by an elite group of people who seem, somehow, superhuman. Yet there is one aspect about Olympic athletes that is very, very human - about as human as you can get.

They're a bunch of horndogs.

Why are they such horndogs, anyway?

Well, for most of its early history, the Olymipcs was an event where primarily men competed - and they did so in the nude. They'd oil their bodies before competing, and strip off because it was allegedly easier to run without their togas presumably getting in the way.  Coincidence? We think not.

Compared to us mere mortals, Olympic athletes are eating a hell of a lot of calories to keep their energy up, then running on adrenaline and endorphins when they're competing - their feel-good, get-busy hormones are at an all-time high, naturally, as a result of their training and nutrition regimes. While some coaches encourage their athletes to abstain when they're training and competing, thinking it might somehow negatively affect their performance, there doesn't seem to be any evidence to back this up.

How do they meet each other?

Two words: Dating apps. We won't name names, but certain apps see a big uptick in users once the Olympics begin - from both athletes and locals looking for a hookup. At some past Games, there have even been app crashes when they were overrun with people looking for a good time. And news of athletes deleting their dating apps before competing because they're just too damn distracting has drifted out of the past few Games.

But living in close proximity for the weeks leading up to, and the weeks of, the Olympics means that people just meet one another organically. The dining hall, at sponsors' parties, hanging around the Village... It's one big melting pot of athletes with excess energy to burn and stress relief to seek.

Do you know how many condoms they give out at the Olympics?

Let's talk about records: The record number of condoms made available in the Athletes' Village at the Olympics, starting at the Seoul Games in 1988 where 8,500 condoms were given out intending to reduce the spread of HIV.

In Atlanta in 1996, they handed out 15,000 condoms, and then at Sydney in 2000 they planned for 70,000 but needed to top up when they ran out. This number rose to 130,000 in Athens in 2004, then 150,000 at the London Olympics in 2012, to a staggering 450,000 condoms at the Rio Olympics in 2016. Wildly, at the Tokyo Games in 2021 (postponed from 2020 due to COVID-19), only 160,000 condoms were handed out - goodie-bag style, with officials asking athletes to please refrain from intimate activities until they'd left the Village.

This year in Paris, 300,000 condoms are expected to be handed out to the 9,000 residents of the Athletes' Village - but sources say officials are planning to have as many as 500,000 available. A new record!

Where are the athletes doing it, exactly?

Well, in Seoul in 1988, officials found so many condoms on the roofs of the Athletes' Village residences, they passed an official Olympic ban on outdoor sex. Still, it didn't stop a balcony romp allegedly witnessed by other athletes at the 2004 Athens Games, or six-person orgy from taking place in a hot tub at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics. Sponsors' parties, which take place outside the Village, are also hookup zones - and many athletes describe the time when they're finished competing as "one big party" where they can let loose and get down and dirty with people they may never see again (at least, not for another four years). And who wouldn't want to sleep with a hot athlete wearing nothing but a medal on their sweat-sheened chest after dark?

While not very many athletes come right out and share the best places for a discreet hookup, it's likely their rooms are a prime location - cardboard beds and all.  And even though these recyclable, eco-friendly, sustainable beds are rumored to be "anti-sex" and collapse under moderate pressure, but a viral video from Irish gymnast Rhys McClenaghan jumping on them at the Toyko games has put paid to that - they're actually super sturdy and can hold up to 440lbs.

Owner of a lonely heart

Honestly, think about the life of an Olympic athlete. Training all day every day, thinking about training when they're not actually training, making sure everything they do is in service of their sport, being super careful about their nutrition and health, living and breathing the sport they're competing in... It can be a really isolating life. It's no wonder they all come together in a technicolor sex fest each Olympics - where else are they going to be surrounded by so many people who understand exactly what they're going through?

So when you're watching the Olympics this year, cheering for the best athletes in the world, spare a thought for what's happening offscreen - and out of the pool, off the field, away from the court etc. The Athletes' Village is where arguably more interesting action is happening, and we can't wait for all the details to come out.