Are you being "trumped" by your date?

Does your date talk a LOT about himself? Does he constantly air petty grievances? Does he think he knows more than the experts about any number of disparate topics? There's a new dating red flag: "Trumping". And it's a lot more common than you'd think - it's just floated to the top recently, since the US presidential election has been dominating the news, along with clips of both candidates speaking.

We don't want to get political, but there are some traits that one of the candidates exhibits which have become very noticeable. And when you see those traits in someone you're dating, it's important to know what you're dealing with. Here's how to spot whether you're being trumped by your date.

Let's talk about the word "trump". Its definition is related to playing cards, when one card ranks above another one. You play one card, your opponent betters it - and wins. It's an overriding factor, a tool of decisive victory. An older, defunct definition is "admirable person", but we don't think that definition will ever make a comeback.

Does he have an inflated opinion of himself?

It's okay to be proud of your accomplishments, and to want to share your good fortune with others. But does he say he's the best at things? Like, the BEST, better than everyone else? Better even than the experts? Look, unless you're sitting across the table from a literal Nobel Prize winner or NBA All-Star or Grammy-awarded musician, he probably isn't the best. It might be charming if he genuinely thinks he's a great singer but is utter rubbish at karaoke, but when it comes to things like managing his budget, being attentive to his partner, and doing his job well, you're gonna want some evidence.

Does he seem to have any sort of interior monologue at all?

What does he externalize and what does he keep to himself? A hallmark of trumping is that your date doesn't seem to have any filters, and just says whatever comes to mind, without thinking of how it is relevant, how his audience might take it, whether it's appropriate or not. Do you think he has any imagination or compassion or thoughts for others, or is everything he says and does simply holding up a mirror so he can preen and reinforce his own beliefs? That little tempering voice inside of most of our heads that warns us to slow down, rein it in, take a step back, consider the audience... Does he have that?

Does he talk over you?

Can you get a word in edgewise, or does he dominate the conversation, interrupt when you're speaking, or change the subject (to himself) if there's a lull in the chat? If he's talking more than he is listening, and seems to prefer the sound of his own voice to yours, you can probably "go to the restroom" and never come back - chances are he won't even notice.

Is he easily manipulated by flattery and favors?

If you give him a compliment, does he light up like a flashlight and say, "Tell me more?" Is he rapt with attention when you're praising him, but completely ignores you if you try to point out that he's just a human too? If you give him a gift, does he agree that he absolutely deserves it, and then offer to pay for dinner? If the way to his heart is by kissing up or fawning or showering him with little presents, do with that what you will, but be warned: It will quickly become wearing.

Does he make up stories that are just a little unbelievable?

Grandiose embellishing is a hallmark of trumping - making up stories, or adding details to existing anecdotes, to paint himself in a better light, to make himself the centre of the tale, or to just seem like he knows more than others about a certain topic (or has some previously unknown information about it)? It's not truthful, for sure, but it's hard to pin down the lies - because he's also vague about the details, and obfuscates or gets annoyed if you try to clarify.

Does he outright lie or gaslight?

Does he take your sandwich right off your plate in front of you and then tell you someone else ate it? Does he vehemently deny something you saw him do with your own eyes, and tell you that you couldn't possibly have seen that happen? Does he lie, and when caught, double down? Lying and gaslighting are toxic behaviors and often the people who are guilty of them have been getting away with it for years because they've never experienced consequences/punishment, even after they've been called out.

Does he seem to look down on women?

Look, this is a big, fat red flag, exclusive of everything else. If there's even a hint that he doesn't respect women, think of them as equals, know that they're also intelligent and capable creatures, you need to just get up and leave. Don't fake a restroom visit. Don't even say a word. Just... Go. That isn't trumping, that's misogyny.