Caught in a lust triangle

From the moment smooth-talking, stereotypically handsome prince Fiyero came dancing through life at Shiz University, Glinda only had eyes for him... And after a little while, so did Elphaba, but secretly, and without admitting it to anyone - maybe not even herself. After all, Glinda is Elphaba's college roommate and new best friend, and the duo has got a lot going on, trying to save Oz from its charlatan Wizard and everything. Who has time for a love (or even lust) triangle? (No idea what I'm talking about? Then get thee to a theater and see Wicked.)

If you've ever caught feelings for someone who was already spoken for, you know that feeling of disappointment and broken-heartedness that you can't really do anything about because hello, there's no closure when there wasn't ever an open door to begin with. But what about when the person you're into is the same person your bestie is into? What if you're both crushing on the same guy? Where do your loyalties lie, and what do you do about these FEELINGS?

What is this feeling

You may think you have an unbreakable bond with your best friend, but even the strongest bonds can break with the right amount of pressure. It's all well and good to say, "No guy will ever come between us!" but sometimes, it's just too hard.

"In high school, I had a crush on this football player named Mike," recalls Jenna. "I was only 16 and it felt totally all-consuming. I was a cheerleader so we would ride the bus to games and I always sat near him with my best friend, Grace, who was also a cheerleader and whom I'd known since we were in primary school together.

"Mike would talk to both of us on the bus and I confided in Grace that I liked him (remember "likes" in school?). She then confessed that she liked him, too. It felt very innocent and sweet, both of us crushing on the same guy, analyzing what he said to us and how he laughed at our jokes and stuff. But after a few weeks it became clear that he was returning Grace's feelings, but not mine."

"I was devastated," Jenna says. "Mike was my first crush and I was really young, and I didn't know how to handle my feelings. Grace didn't either because she stopped talking to me once she started officially dating Mike. The two of them sort of blanked me and pretended I didn't exist, which was so hurtful. Seeing them cuddling up around school felt like a gut-punch every time, and I couldn't even talk to anyone about it. I had a broken heart and had lost my best friend."

In hindsight, what would Jenna have done differently? "I was just a teenager and I was really naive, but I probably should have tried to talk to Grace about it, and maybe asked her to consider not being so in-your-face with the PDA with Mike while I was essentially grieving. And I should have talked to someone about it instead of trying to deal with it on my own - saw a counselor or confided in another friend."

She who's winsome, wins him

In Wicked, Glinda makes it obvious from the very start that she's into Fiyero, dramatically announcing to Elphaba that they're getting married - Fiyero doesn't know it yet, she clarifies to a stunned Ephaba, but they're perfect for each other so it's a foregone conclusion. Elphaba, however, reveals nothing about her feelings for Fiyero except in a poignant soliloquy reminding herself that she's "not that girl". She's supportive of Glinda - albeit from a disinterested distance, focusing on her studies - and only risks a few soft-eyed glances in Fiyero's direction. So far, no drama - until an unexpected moment in a classroom when she causes everyone to fall asleep except for herself and Fiyero, for reasons that she won't admit even to herself.

The love triangle between Elphaba, Glinda, and Fiyero isn't even a triangle in the Wicked movie (stay tuned for Wicked Part 2) but it's definitely taking shape. And by the end of Wicked, Glinda seems to have the faintest glimmer that something's up between her roommate and the object of her desire. Just a hint, mind you. Again, nothing articulated, nothing admitted.

Is this the best way to handle things? Say nothing, carry on as normal, busy yourself with work? Like boiling water, things will eventually bubble over unless you turn down the heat or remove the pot from the stovetop - walking away might seem like an option, but it's not the healthiest one (and can cause other kinds of hurt). You need to do something about those feelings or you'll get burned.

The things one hears these days

If you had a thing for someone and didn't realise your best friend also had a thing for that same someone, what would you want to happen? Would you want to know? Would you rather be ignorant?

"I broke up with my college boyfriend Josh about six weeks before we graduated, and it was very hard," says Ari. "My best friend Mila was there for me throughout the breakup - there were many tearful late nights while I was figuring things out, and she was privy to so many intimate, personal, private details about our relationship and breakup.

"After we graduated, Mila and I moved to different states for work. We kept in touch but we were both really busy settling into our new jobs and cities so our communication was mainly by text, and a bit sporadic. About three months after we graduated I got a message from a mutual friend telling me that Mila and Josh were together. They had both got jobs post-college in the same area and had been in touch, and started dating. And neither of them had told me!"

Ari was furious and hurt - and also disturbed by the thought that Mila knew all of her relationship secrets with Josh. "I couldn't figure out how she could get together with someone I'd told her all kinds of damaging stuff about," Ari says. "Mila knew how Josh treated me and why I broke it off with him. It felt so disloyal."

Ari reached out to Mila asking for an explanation, and the two of them had a falling-out, with Mila saying she had always had feelings for Josh and figured that he was fair game since Ari didn't want him. "Which is not how friendship works, from my perspective," says Ari. "Honestly, I wish I had never found out."

So should you tell your bestie you're lusting after her man? It'll depend on so many factors - the friendship, the circumstances, the potential for destruction. Maybe Elphaba has the right idea to keep quiet - after all, Glinda saw Fiyero first...

I hope you're happy now

Sophie was stuck in an uncomfortable situation - she was the object of two people's affection, and it didn't end well for anyone. "I was dating Marco, who introduced me to his best friend, Tristan. I hit it off with Tristan and the three of us would hang out all the time. About six months into my relationship with Marco, Tristan confessed he'd developed feelings for me," she recalls. "He told me he thought Marco was treating me poorly and that he wasn't right for me, and said he was in love with me and would treat me the way I deserved.

"I tried to gently let Tristan down, but he ended up not being able to handle seeing me together with his best friend, and he moved across the country a few months later and stopped being in touch with either of us," she says. "And possibly the worst part? He was right. Marco didn't treat me well, and wasn't right for me. We broke up about a year after Tristan moved away."

"I tried to gently let Tristan down, but he ended up not being able to handle seeing me together with his best friend, and he moved across the country a few months later and stopped being in touch with either of us," she says. "And possibly the worst part? He was right. Marco didn't treat me well, and wasn't right for me. We broke up about a year after Tristan moved away."

So when everyone is honest, nobody wins, and you all end up alone? Sounds miserable.

And they all lived happily ever after?

Wicked Part 2 will probably give us a bit more of the Glinda-Elphaba-Fiyero love triangle (and we're also hanging out for some Glinda-Elphaba action, too, not gonna lie) and we'll see whether they get a happily-ever-after or not. What about real life? Do love triangles ever work out?

For Jenna, with the crush on Mike, who ended up dating her best friend Grace, it became a non-issue after a while. "It was high school. He and Grace broke up, and Grace apologized to me, and we became friends again," she says. "We still keep in touch. I have no idea what happened to Mike!"

For Ari, whose best friend Mila started dating Ari's ex Josh in secret, the outcome was different. "Josh and Mila got married and had a baby," she says. "Eventually we all got back in touch as we have mutual friends from college, but it was very awkward. I went to a lot of therapy about it but I got over it and now I feel pretty neutral about them both."

And for Sophie, who was dating Marco but his best friend Tristan had a thing for her? "I tried to reach out to Tristan a little while after Marco and I ended things, but he didn't respond. I don't have feelings for Tristan - it wasn't like that on my end - but I did value his friendship and was really sad to lose that. What I learned is when your man's best friend is telling you he's a jerk, you might want to listen."

So what will happen with Glinda, Elphaba, and Fiyero? Guess we'll have to wait and see.