Our Good Girls write an open letter to the sex toy industry asking for all of our ideal sex toy dreams to come true.
We, Mikayla and Siobhan (aka ), have been thinking about sex toys lately. In fact, we devoted an entire episode of our podcast to sex toys, and we regularly sing their praises. We love our toys, and we want other people to love them, too.
But we have some thoughts.
Our thoughts involve the ideal characteristics we'd like our sex toys to have - how they would look, feel, sound, and perform. Please join us on this journey to Imaginationland, where the perfect sex toy exists...
We love a sex toy that has a bit of personality. We're not talking googly eyes or painted-on flames, but can it just look less industrial and friendly? Sex toys can be super intimidating to beginners, so it would be great to have one that looks like something we want to play with, not something we need to be scared of.
In fact, we would love a matching set - a wand, pulse toy, dildo, butt plug, all in a similar aesthetic that we could place on our bedside table and have within easy reach.
Honestly, the storage situation when it comes to sex toys is dire. Yes, we know you can buy trunks that look like they were looted from a pirate ship, or drawstring bags, but... See above. Can we get a matching set in a nice little storage case that has actual spaces for the toys to nest? Even better if there's an inbuilt charger.
It's always awkward stopping midway through an encounter to strap something on, find a switch, discover that a particular toy actually needs to be charged up... We've had some embarrassing moments, and we'd love for our toys to be more user-friendly, one-touch, quick-start.
We would love some sex toys that don't look like giant veiny d*ck-looking things. Lesbians don't want that! Hell, straight women don't want that! (Well, sometimes we want that, but sometimes we don't!) Can we have toys that look less like body parts and just more fun?
Why do all toys for women need to be hot pink and purple? Give us sleek black. Or how about sage green? Some earth tones? Neutrals? Something inoffensive to the eye that blends in with our decor, please.
Not everyone has the hand strength to hold something that vibrates at the speed of a jackhammer. Not everyone has hands or even fingers, dammit! Consider accessibility for disabled bodies, bodies of all shapes and sizes, people with mobility difficulties, people with arthritis or joint problems, people who just want to be able to use sex toys with their own unique body (which is, in fact, all of us).
The vibration. The bzzzzzzzz. The noise! We know there's only so much you can do to make a vibrating toy with a literal motor inside of it quieten down so our neighbours don't know what we're doing, but we would love some quieter options. Minimise the sound they make and you'll have customers forever.
If they're expensive, they should look expensive. If I want to be a bougie bitch in the bedroom, I want my toys to reflect that.
If we're into something and we think a sex toy should exist to support that desire or fantasy, we should be able to find it. Maybe there could be a DIY option where we can choose what components we want and build our own custom sex toy? Someone come up with this!
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