FYI: What is the 4B movement?

It's hard not to get political when it's literally the main topic on everyone's mind right now, whether you live in the US or you're watching from another country. And alongside the obvious - who won, who lost, what it means, whether we're in a simulation or this hellscape is, in fact, real - there's another trend that's surfaced and is gaining serious traction: The 4B movement and related offshoots.

Put simply, the 4B movement is a rejection of patriarchy which calls for women to use the power of their bodies, and the withholding thereof, to make a statement. Women who are embracing 4B are eschewing dating, sex, marriage/relationships, or having babies with men. That's the blunt explanation, and it's pretty radical.

The 4B movement originated in South Korea around 2019. The "B" refers to four Korean words beginning with "bi", or "no": "Bihon" (no heterosexual marriage), "bichulsan" (no childbirth), "biyeonae" (no dating), and "bisekseu" (no heterosexual intimate relationships/sex). Women who support the 4B movement say that in refusing to do these four things, they're also refusing to participate in a system that perpetuates gender inequality - essentially, they're boycotting the patriarchy.

An extreme solution to an extreme problem?

While 4B is more nuanced than just saying "Give men nothing", it's influenced by the #MeToo movement, which gave women a platform to speak up against sexual misconduct. The demographic of the resurgent, US-based 4B movement is intriguing - young women who are active on social media, which is where the trend seems to be taking off. It's not yet clear how 4B is translating to real life in America yet.

Writing in the Washington Post, Kelly Kasulis Cho and Kelsey Ables say, "4B has been praised for its renegade fight against the patriarchy but has also been criticized for being too extreme."

Women going on sex strikes as a form of protest are nothing new - it's a major plot point in the ancient Greek play Lysistrata, an early exposé of sexual relationships in a male-dominated society. In more recent times, American actress Julia Fox declared she was choosing celibacy following the Supreme Court's 2022 overturning of Roe v. Wade. “I think, with the overturning of Roe v. Wade and our rights being stripped away from us, this is a way that I can take back the control,” she explained.

Voluntary celibacy = control?

While women may feel that the 4B movement gives them back a sense of control, it's a sobering sign of the growing political divide between women and men, exemplified by the 2024 presidential election. The election of a president who was found liable for sexual abuse, makes derogatory comments about women's bodies and intelligence, and wants to "punish" those who have or perform abortions has provoked outrage and disgust among women. Add wage inequity, the orgasm gap, and the restriction of reproductive rights and the balance has tipped even further.

But will the movement gain enough traction in the US to make difference? While 4B is getting traction, will this be a flash in the pan once the election frenzy dies down (will it die down, though, once the all-red Supreme Court, Senate, and House of Representatives start playing with their power? That's a whole other article.) It could be a radical response, it could fizzle out and go nowhere, or it could provoke backlash from men.

Actions and reactions

"The 4B movement is laudable, but it still puts men at the center of decision-making," says Diane Coleman, a licensed counsellor who sees a number of female clients about relationship issues. "What I'd encourage is for women to center what they want, rather than focusing on what men do or do not want."

Coleman's perspective is that 4B is a form of "externalizing your actions" - or, in this case, externalizing your inaction. "I think it's more effective to focus on yourself, regardless of what others are doing or thinking. Pour love, attention, energy, investment into yourself, and build up your own sense of self-worth."

She also wonders whether the men who would potentially be positively influenced by the 4B movement are, in fact, the men women actually want to influence. It's more likely, she posits, that men who would be sympathetic to, and make changes because of, the 4B movement are those who are already on the path to change - feminists, women's rights allies, and the like. The radical conservative men are more likely to flip in the other direction and become entrenched in their viewpoints, Coleman says. "Are the women who are participating in the 4B movement the partners of conservative men?" she asks. "We have yet to see conservative women expressing their solidarity with 4B."

A different way forward?

"Take the spotlight off men," Coleman counsels. "Young women need to be taught their value from the time when they are little girls, so that they are less likely to accept misogyny and more focused on building their self-esteem, self-worth, autonomy, and capability. It's important to internalize your value rather than connecting it to the value that others place on your life."

So if a woman you're dating suddenly says she can't see you any more because she's taking part in the 4B movement, you have a choice. Get mad, get frustrated, get annoyed - or try to see where she's coming from, and that she might just have a point. It's going to take us all some time to come to terms with the 2024 election results, and for women the path is steeper - go easy.