Hi, I'm the problem. It's me.

"I just can't seem to find somebody I'm compatible with," says 23-year-old Trixie (yes, we've changed her name, but she's real). "I'm not looking to settle down or anything, just to have some fun - but everyone I meet, I end up getting sick of really quickly. It happens over and over, and I feel super disappointed and depressed about it."

Trixie had a long-term relationship in her late teens but broke it off after a year of attempting to make long-distance work when she and her then-boyfriend were at universities on opposite sides of the US. She dated casually through the rest of college, and after graduating a year ago, she wanted to focus on her new career for a few years without the encumbrance of a serious relationship. So she's hit the dating apps.

"It was easy to meet guys when I was in college, but since I've graduated I've just been using apps to meet people, and it's gone okay," Trixie says. "I've matched with a lot of guys but I always seem to find something wrong with them relatively quickly. Then I start the cycle all over again - meet someone, hook up, get bored, find someone else... Rinse, repeat!"

What's your problem, anyway?

For a while Trixie thought maybe she just wasn't meeting the right kind of guys on the apps, but after six months of dissatisfaction, she started to wonder if she was missing something - something about herself.

"I've always been really hard on myself," she says. "I had really high standards for my grades in college and now that I'm working I expect a lot from myself," she says. "And in my personal life, well, I've always felt like I needed to have my sh*t together and be responsible."

Trixie realized she's been applying the same high standards to her potential matches - which is great in some ways, and not working well in others. "I'm meeting nice guys and having fun, but I'm expecting too much from both of us. Subconsciously I've been comparing everyone I meet to my 'ideal' life partner and mentally planning out my future, which is silly because I'm not looking for a life partner right now!"

Set reasonable expectations

You might have seen a meme going around advising you that the key to happiness is to lower your expectations, lower, even lower... There you go. Nope. Don't lower your expectations - tailor them to reality. For Trixie, that meant remembering she was looking to have fun right now, and seeing anything more as a bonus. "I have had so many dates where the guys were cool and fun but I didn't bother seeing them a second time," she says. "It's like I was cutting them off before they had a chance to disappoint me."

If your goal is to have casual fun, then set yourself up for casual fun. Be clear that's what you want and write your dating app profile to reflect that. Be honest with yourself and your matches that you're keen to keep fun the focus. If it helps, set up reminders on your phone or smartwatch, stick post-its on your bathroom mirror, print out affirmations - sometimes visual reminders can help keep you on track.

Surround yourself with allies

Our friends have our best interests at heart, but sometimes their goals for you are different to your goals for yourself - and that can backfire. "My best friend from college got married right after we graduated and she doesn't get why I just want to keep things casual with the guys I'm seeing," Trixie says.

After her bestie set her up with someone who was clearly looking for more than just a fling, Trixie had to have a heart-to-heart - and fortunately it went well. "I didn't realise how much it was affecting me to feel like I couldn't talk to my friend about my dating life," she says. "I thought I was disappointing her because we've taken different paths. But now we've cleared the air and she's stopped trying to fix me up with guys looking for long-term commitments."

It's important to find people who understand you and support you in the way you want to date, and aren't trying to push their own agenda on you. People you can talk to and laugh with about the good and the bad of dating!

Open your mind

"I'm looking for a man in finance, with a trust fund, 6' 5", blue eyes." Honey, aren't we all? If your wish list is too narrow, you're going to be continuously disappointed. If you don't mind waiting and unmatching everyone who doesn't fit your ideal, then by all means, go to it - but be honest with yourself that it's going to take time and effort to find the needle in your dating haystack.

If you're not expecting miracles, and you just want to have a good time, maybe try opening up your mind a bit. Give yourself permission to have fun without strings attached. Match with people who are a little outside of your norm. Always keep your safety top-of-mind, but enjoy yourself!

For Trixie, opening her mind meant loosening up some of the criteria for the guys she was seeing. "I used to think I would only want to date someone with a college degree, and a full-time job, and who lived within a 15-minute radius of where I am," she says. "But in the past month I've been seeing someone an hour away who is a part-time grad student and makes amazing art - totally not the kind of person I'd ever seen myself being with, but so much fun."

So if you're struggling with your dating life, consider whether you're getting in your own way, and how you can help yourself to put the pleasure back into your dating life. And if you're still finding it difficult, it's not a bad idea to book in with a therapist to see if there's anything more serious to sort. There's no shame in seeking help to look after your own happiness and wellbeing - and your dating life can be a big part of both!