It's National Orgasm Day! So let's talk about the orgasm gap

You know it's real when it has a very serious, very research-backed Wikipedia page dedicated to it, as well as an internationally recognised "awareness" day (June 31). The "orgasm gap", "pleasure gap", or "orgasm chasm" is, simply, the disparity in sexual satisfaction between (hetero) men and women. To put it bluntly, men have more orgasms than women, and that's not fair to anyone.

How do we know about the orgasm gap?

Have you heard of the Kinsey Reports? In 1953, researchers studying unmarried women and men determined that women had an average of 200 orgasms pre-marriage, while men had around 1500 orgasms before marriage. 36% of the women in the study said they'd never had an orgasm before they were married, and 10% said they'd never orgasmed, ever. Say what?

With orgasms linked to sex (not masturbation) and sex linked to marriage in the on-the-surface-prudish 1950s era, the Kinsey Report showed a shocking lack of education around female pleasure. Not so different to today, really.

2019 info from YouGov profiles shows that 53% of men say they have an orgasm every time they have sex, while only 25% of women do. And a 2022 German meta-analysis of 20 studies, comprising a total of 49,940 women and 48,329 men, reported that between 30-60% of women reach orgasm via heterosexual sex, while 70-100% of men do so. Depending on a lot of factors, the orgasm gap varies from 20% to 72%, with the mean orgasm gap at 30%.

Why aren't women having as many orgasms as men?

It's complicated and simple at the same time. Like we said, lack of education around female pleasure. Nobody seeming to know where the clitoris is and how it works. Masturbation being seen as somehow "dirty" or shameful. Penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex doesn't get women there reliably or regularly. There's still a pervasive belief that men are "entitled" to an orgasm and that it's okay if women don't have one (which explains how many orgasms are faked by women - one study found that 80% fake it during PIV sex). Men aren't prioritizing women's pleasure. In fact, one study said that 85% of men claimed their partner had an orgasm in their most recent sexual encounter - giving the impression that these men were either oblivious or their partners had lied to them (or possibly both).

What about non-cisgender people and non-heterosexual sex?

The orgasm gap typically refers to cis/het sex and it's barely been studied, so it's unfortunately the truth that non-cis/het orgasms seem to be barely on researchers' radar. We don't know. And we don't like that. There's some evidence that lesbian women have more orgasms than straight women, but more study is definitely needed.

So how can we bridge the orgasm gap?

Honestly, so many things, all of them doable. Stop thinking that women's bodies are complicated and that it's difficult for them to orgasm, and start paying attention to their pleasure and what makes them enjoy themselves.

For people with a clitoris, clitoral stimulation is the most reliable method of getting them there - and nearly all clitoris-possessors need clitoral stimulation in some form in order to achieve orgasm.

You may have heard that women take longer to orgasm than men, but that's flat-out wrong. Research from the Kinsey Institute found that via masturbation, women and men reach orgasm in about the same time - just under four minutes.

Foreplay makes a huge difference, too. Spend some time warming things up and you'll both enjoy it more - and for women, who often report sex to be uncomfortable or downright painful, foreplay can get natural lubrication happening so that sex is more enjoyable and less something to brace for and get over with quickly.

And educate everyone of every gender about pleasure in a shame-free, question-friendly, research-based way. Sex ed shouldn't only be about puberty and abstinence, but realistic and honest. Talking about sex can feel uncomfortable in our puritanical society, but having open conversations about sex demystifies and destigmatizes it.

All humans are sexual beings, and we should understand how our bodies work and what brings us pleasure - it's a part of our overall wellbeing. And a sexually healthy society has a chance to reduce and even eliminate the orgasm gap, once and for all.