Sex Ed: What is consent?

90% of Americans say their sex education left them unprepared, and HUD App wants to help close that gap. Our Sex Ed series brings you simple, factual, non-judgemental info to educate and empower you to know you need to know. You’re the expert on your own body, wants, needs, desires, and sexual experiences, and we’re here to support you.

Let’s talk about consent - because honestly, it’s one of the most important things in dating, and yet it’s often misunderstood or pigeonholed. If you’re using dating apps and figuring out what you want, knowing how to navigate consent can make your experiences way better (and way less awkward).

Consent is, on the surface, quite simple: It’s an enthusiastic, clear, and ongoing "yes" from everyone involved. If someone isn’t all in, it’s a no. No guessing, no assuming. Consent has to be freely given, meaning no guilt trips, pressure, or manipulation. A real "yes" sounds excited, not hesitant. And guess what? Consent isn’t set in stone - people can change their minds at any point, and that’s totally okay.

One of the biggest myths about consent is that if someone doesn’t say "no," it means they’re okay with whatever’s happening. Nope. If they’re quiet, their body language is stiff or they're not making eye contact, or they're not acting like they're actively into it, that’s a sign to check in about their consent and comfort.

Another common misconception? If they’ve said yes before, it means they’re always going to say yes. No again. Just because someone was into something yesterday doesn’t mean they feel the same way today. And let’s clear this up - flirting, a cute outfit, making out, or even traveling from one base to the next does NOT equal automatic consent. Plus, if someone is drunk or high to the point where they can’t make a clear decision, that’s also not consent.

So how do you make sure everyone’s on the same page? Just ask. Seriously, it doesn’t have to be awkward - something as simple as "You good with this?" or "Wanna keep going?" makes a huge difference. Pay attention to body language, too. If they’re pulling away, looking uncomfortable, or hesitating, stop and talk about it.

Respect everyone's boundaries, even if you were hoping for a different answer. Don't try to talk someone into restarting, or tell them it's okay and keep pushing them, or make it all about you and how you're being disappointed. Absolutely not. No guilt-tripping! No coercion! Being upfront about what you want, checking in on what your partner wants, and accepting where they are at without question makes everything smoother and way more enjoyable for both of you.

When everyone is comfortable and respected, dating and intimacy are so much better. No one should feel pressured, ignored, or uneasy. Practicing consent builds trust and makes sure that both people are fully into the moment. Casual dating moves fast, but slowing down to make sure there’s a real, enthusiastic "yes" is always worth it. And if you’re ever unsure? Just ask. Good communication = better dating experiences, every time.