So you've been ghosted...

While ghosting has always existed in some form, its prevalence has skyrocketed with the rise of dating apps. Whether it’s someone you’ve had a few messages with or someone you’ve met for multiple dates, ghosting can leave the person on the receiving end feeling confused, hurt, and abandoned. So, what exactly is ghosting, why does it happen so often, and how can we cope with it?

What’s going on here?

Ghosting is when someone you’re talking to or dating stops all communication without explanation. This could mean they stop replying to messages, calls, or any form of contact, leaving you to wonder what the hell happened. The nature of ghosting makes it particularly impactful in online dating, as the digital distance between people allows for disengagement without the discomfort and awkwardness of direct confrontation. What makes ghosting so unsettling is that it’s often abrupt – one day everything seems fine, and the next, the person vanishes.

Why did I get ghosted?

Look, dating apps and social media are great for quick connections – you can find someone to virtually hang out with and chat to at all hours of the day and night, right there on your phone. But with these quick connection comes the possibility of quick disconnection, which is unsettling because, well, what happened? Is it something you said or did? Were they genuine in the first place? Ghosting often leaves people in limbo without any real answers, which is frustrating and disorienting.

One reason people ghost is lack of emotional investment. When you’re connecting based on superficial things like profile photos and not really forming a deeper emotional attachment, it’s easy to just say “Bye!” and walk away. When someone starts to lose interest or they feel like maybe they aren’t compatible with the other person, it might feel easier to simply stop responding than to actually say what’s going on. Most people hate confrontation, and telling someone you’re just not that into them can feel very, very confronting.

For other people, ghosting happens because they’re overwhelmed or distracted – they might be juggling multiple conversations with multiple matches, and then forget to follow up or stay up-to-date with everyone. They might unintentionally ghost someone because they’re just trying to do too many things at once, both on and off the apps.

Unless you’ve behaved badly, it’s usually not you, it’s them. Although if you’ve been treated inappropriately or poorly by a match, you have every right to ghost them without an explanation – your wellbeing, mental health, and safety are the most important thing, so we’re on your side when it comes to ghosting jerks.

So you got ghosted…

Being ghosted can feel personal, and it’s easy to get caught up in self-doubt. But it’s important to remember that ghosting says more about the person doing it than it does about you. It’s often a sign of their inability or unwillingness to communicate effectively – not a reflection of your worth.

It’s natural to feel frustrated or confused, but it’s also important to not let it define your sense of self. Instead of dwelling on what might have gone wrong, try to shift the focus back to you. Take the experience as a lesson that some connections are just not meant to be, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

If someone has cut off communication, continuing to reach out for answers can prolong your emotional discomfort. Recognize that sometimes, silence *is* the answer.

And remember that ghosting is common in online dating and isn’t a reflection of your ability to connect with others. Many people who date online experience it at some point, so don’t internalize the experience as a failure.

Finally, it’s important to move on. Once you’ve processed the feelings around being ghosted, focus your energy elsewhere. Whether it’s pursuing other connections or simply engaging in activities that make you happy, moving on is an essential step in maintaining your emotional well-being.

Can you avoid being ghosted?

Do unto others! While you can't control how other people act, you can take steps to ensure you're not contributing to the cycle of ghosting. If you’re no longer interested in someone, it’s always more respectful to communicate that, rather than simply disappear. Even a short message explaining that you didn’t feel the connection is better than leaving the other person in the dark. This approach may not always be easy, but it’s far kinder than the alternative.

Being mindful of your communication is also important. If you're engaging in multiple conversations on a dating app, try to keep track of who you're talking to and follow up when appropriate. If your feelings change, let the other person know, rather than letting the conversation go cold.